Day 27

The day my pregnancy was confirmed started a chain of events that changed my life permanently. My physical appearance changed and with it my mental and emotional states. The feelings of nausea and constant fatigue were counterbalanced by the glow and happiness of an expectant mother.

I was growing in size but also in maturity.

I felt strongly the responsibility entrusted upon me to care for another person completely dependent on me.

The emotional transformation is subtle. It is not as tangible as the physical changes. The world in general focuses on the physical changes. It is the subtle emotional development that should get all the attention.

It is not easy to carry for nine months an excess weight of up to forty ponds. The physical discomforts are a painful reality. Most of the literature is focused mainly on that: Basically, how to make a pregnant woman look beautiful, healthy and glowing.

I did not care how cool I looked during my pregnancy. In my opinion, no amount of skin care or specialized clothes could make you look like a runway model. I looked pregnant and that was the end of it. Why fight it? I wore my everyday clothes as long as I could, then wore flowing dresses for comfort and convenience without any thoughts for fashion.

In my opinion , more importance should be given on the changes in the psyche of the expecting woman.I don’t mean the emotional roller coasters, often dramatized or ridiculed. They are a reality but they are transient and superficial. Deeper and stronger changes occur. They are permanent and life changing. They should be acknowledged and welcomed.

The changes in my physical appearance were accompanied by a range of new emotions. I always thought of myself as an independent, intelligent, educated woman, strong enough to tackle anything that life would throw at me. That was only when I had to take care of one person: ME.

Now I have taken on the responsibility of another human being, a person totally dependent on me who needs guidance and nurturing.

His advent in my life was an event very much anticipated and wished for. I thought I was ready for it but I was not. My confidence in my abilities were suddenly shaky and I had a mere nine months to overcome my fears. The anxiety was so overwhelming that the only way to cope with it was to push it at the back of my mind and not dwell on it.

I put more emphasis on mundane matters like managing my discomfort, choosing the baby’s name and laughing at my cravings rather than calming and rationalizing my fears.

But nature has a way of changing things. During those nine months a change in me did occur, slowly, insidiously culminating in the moment when I held my baby in my arms and felt a deep-rooted confidence in my abilities. I can take care of my baby, provide and guide him. This boost in confidence is continuously evolving. It is a dynamic state. I am learning all the time, adapting to constantly changing situations and dealing with them with an innate confidence.


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